Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
