Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
