Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
