you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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