if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
