His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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