Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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