i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
