He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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