Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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