Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
