Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My first STD was from a foam party
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
