I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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