i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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