You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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