How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
