DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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