1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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