She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
