I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's rum buckets o'clock
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
