I'm going to jail i love you
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
