no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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