hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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