I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
