i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize