Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
