he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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