We need to rekindle our bromance
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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