when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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