so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
