She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
