spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
