do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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