So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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