Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
