i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
