fuck your aforementioned shoe
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize