I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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