he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
