I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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