I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
