Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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