Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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