If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
