Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
