Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Blood and glitter go together right?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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