he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
