i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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