She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
