id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
