i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
