There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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