seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
