Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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