my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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