Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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