i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
