I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
