Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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