I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
