How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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