Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
