To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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