i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize