I love black thongs
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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