They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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