I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
