Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
