Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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