Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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