I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Let's paint friendship bongs
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Rumble strips road head = magical
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
