Cold hands, warm shart.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
