I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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