I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
