I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
