I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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