last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
