I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just threw up on my dentist
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You know, be my cock's hype man.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
