SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
